I suppose i will call this first entry open

  I decided to start writting this as a way to get all the stuff in my head, preventing me from sleeping, out of my mind, it cannot control me once it is out right? so let start with today, my husband is an alcoholic, he was sober for over five years till a couple yrs ago, his father got ill with cirrohsis . so basically he fell off the wagon , then last year april 24th his father passed away. the point to all of this is this, he bought a case of beer today and drank it all i caught him and he lied to my face, so i went straight to the beer cans in his garage and asked him "you still wanna stick with that story" he shakes his head no. I knew what i had done was wrong because of a book i read call co-dependant no more , and from that book it taught me not to police his every move and that is what i did in that moment. I have been with this man 15 yrs. and I too just lost my mom one month after his father passed so i really can't deal with his drinking. I think u can love someone and not be able to live together, that's why i want him to move out but he wont go so here i am stuck, i wont leave cuz i have kids and i decorated this entire house and i care for its maintenance .  since my moms passing, i can't sleep well so i have to medicate to sleep and sometimes that don't help either, so i figured i would blog, so here i am warts n all....