Monday, February 28, 2011

Procrastination

  So i have been writting this book for the past, maybe 6 yrs. or so and i have writters block. I really need to finish it because i know it will benefit alot of people who have been in the same place. Since the death of my mom, i have lost all interset in basicaly everything. I used to get up around 6 am, get everything ready, coffee, walk the dogs ect. then wake everyone else up and send them on their way while i spent the day cleaning and preparing the meal for the evening, ocassionally baking a surprize for desert or after school snack, i was your quinessential mom, the stepford wife, if you will, and i actually prided myself on that, until recently.
   Laundry piles up and i don't care, till he is screaming he has no underwear. I get up now around 6:30 , wake everyone up go back to bed till 7am then send them on thier way all the while contamplating how soon i can get back to bed, then spend the next 4 or 5 hrs there until i leave to pick up the kids from school. somehow i manage to clean the kitchen only because i embarass easily if anyone saw it dirty. for the most part, i really don't care anymore, nothing is important to me. I don't even socialize with friends anymore, and before you say i need medication, i am already on it.
   This book i am writting represents me, accomplished in something greater than myself, something that would have made mom proud, for that reason alone, i have to get it done, although she can't be here to celebrate any successes i may have, i know in my heart she would be proud if i finished it. Being a mother and wife cannot be my only accomplishment in this life, i cannot let that happen as it does not define me as a person.

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