I have been hanging out with my friend whom was recently hospitalized for mental issues that i myself have as well, we got to talking and i told her why i have been distant and exactly what i have been going through for the last 9 months, i told her my depression has been so bad it literally kept me in bed for months. up until this point no one has known just how bad my life has spiraled out of control since moms death, it felt good to tell someone and actually have them understand.
for the past 2 weeks i have been making myself get up and do stuff and not go back to bed. I am proud to say, so far it is working. My sleep patters are still messed up but i am hopeful i can fix that with gods help and a little ambien. My mind races at night , thoughts of her, her death, her life ect, guilt and anger threaten to eat away at my mind and spirit every night which is what makes sleeping diffucult.
I remember in 1987 my mom losing her mother, i remember her crying so hard like she could'nt breathe, i never knew that pain until now. Now that i do, i hurt for her going through that alone.
I miss her every second of everyday.
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